Changes

After several years it's finally happened. I'm closing this blog and moving to wordpress, and then hopefully my own .com domain. I haven't been giving this blog the attention it deserved, I kept waiting for my intentions to sort themselves out, and frankly I didn't feel ready to write anything much while I was living in Cambridge. Things are better now we've moved back to Southampton.

I am now moving to these two new blog addresses, and will post updates here now and then:

http://joannakneilson.wordpress.com/
- A site dedicated to some serious writing and a place to link to all my published work

http://hauntedeyeball.wordpress.com/
- A place where I'll still be reviewing books, TV, film and art, and anything else that comes my way.

If anyone's out there, thank you for reading this blog, and please click away to find out more on.

'The Little Friend' by Donna Tartt

A quick review here, as I’ve just completed the book which is, certainly, the most useful book for passing time whilst sat on the loo. I swear that that is a compliment – some books just don’t cut it, but this weighty tome has been readable and entertaining. The atmosphere is pervasive, trickling with hot Southern State menace as 12 year old Harriet tries to uncover the truth behind the murder of her little brother several years ago. Her sister sleeps all day, her aunts barely listen to her, and her best and only real friend is a boy called Hely. She draws him into her plans and things soon turn lethal.

SPOILERS AHOY

Harriet is a self-involved, imaginative and believably stubborn twelve year old girl, teetering on the cusp of that world-altering change known as puberty. While she resists this and drifts ever deeper into her own fantasy life, she decides that a n’er do well, part of a clan of worse and even crazier ne’er do wells, was behind the murder of her little brother and sets out to get revenge. The book dips in and out of different characters heads – although thankfully not in the same section break. While this gave a brilliant overview of the small town mentality that Harriet is swamped by, and the unpleasant family life of the man she decided is guilty, it also distracts from being with Harriet all the way through. Her perspective is increasingly deluded and this is diluted by the bobbing between brains that happens here. Without the extra thoughts it’s likely that the book would be considerably shorter, with the bonus of an unreliable narrator in the style of Catcher in the Rye.

The inner worlds of the other characters are brilliantly drawn, however, and add a sympathy for everyone’s private hell and I still found it a deeply involving book. But it’s odd that it doesn’t actually go anywhere. I’d have appreciated a pulpier ending, just for a real sense that something is wrapped up. Maybe I just don’t get ‘literature’, because no sci-fi plot would be caught pulped hanging like this. Criminally (er…) we are left without any resolution for the tragic murder at the start, and that it was actually a maguffin all along, driving the plot but being completely pointless at the last hurdle. We never learn who did it – then again, this isn’t the Hardy Boys! There still some important murders along the way, and these are well drawn and lead to a hugely tense scene. Also, I have to wonder if the Ratcliffe family are indestructible, given what they go through, too. Perhaps all of this was just a dream belonging to her sister, the ever-sleepy Allison, or the dying thoughts of their adorably named cat, Weenie. It’s a shame because it’s a great ride getting there. Perhaps we’re supposed to learn that resolution isn’t part of real life. This is a good slice of Southern Gothic, with snakes, red-necks and the white-heat of a long dreary summer. If you expect anything to be properly tied up, please keep clear.

Despite lacking a full conclusion, there’s still a lot to like. The Little Friend was an enthralling and atmospheric read and I will soon be checking out Donna Tartt’s first book, as it tends to garner stronger reviews than this has.

Doing without live telly - and loving it - Introduction

Having successfully moved to a new location, from Winchester to Cambridge, UK, our household (me, boyfriend, cat) made the decision to scrap any of the live TV channels and use Virgin Media Broadband only. This fixed our Sky+ addiction at once, and the theory was that the media we consumed would consist of things we CHOSE to view, rather than letting the burping digital tide wash over us, smothering our willpower with endless flashy adverts, music videos of girls dancing in their knickers, and lots of comedy we'd seen before ten years ago, or didn't really care about. Of course we could have switched Sky off at any time. Yep, works in theory. But there's no end to it, even though, after about two years, we'd caught up on all the repeats of things we'd missed (I was delighted to rediscover Knightmare, the childrens’ sword & sorcery gameshow from the 1980s and early ‘90s, being broadcast on Challenge!) and a lot more guilty pleasures of this ilk soon followed. (Yes, I used the word ‘ilk’, it’s fab). It was fun while it lasted, and very, very bad for the brain.

This isn’t going to be a smug rant about how we gave up watching telly altogether, because frankly we haven’t! But, as even Channel 4 discovered, there's only so long you can repeat something (i.e. Friends) without it becoming a standing joke. There were only so many times even I could watch Sex and the City episodes on Comedy Central without becoming seriously blasé – and yet unable to look away! On Sky, having access to newish movies was a great thing to have, but were they worth the money? They would appear only long after the hype and even the DVD had been released, although this helped to take the film on its merits.

So I'm going to take a look at the alternative entertainment options on offer instead, as without the steady feed of live TV, it soon became clear that the more discerning we were, the more we got out of taking personal responsibility and wilfully choosing what appeared in front of us, rather than becoming hypnotised by flicking channels on the Sky screen. There's something very fulfilling about the media we consume becoming finite, and everything we do watch holds greater value this way. (It might even improve my attention-whatsit.)

On another note, even before we did this, we knew we barely watched the BBC and paid separately for Sky+, and yet the TV Licence continues to maintain its grip on the United Kingdom to a ridiculous extent. Another juicy blog argument, yet again, which is getting more ridiculous as the months and years roll by. It’s easy to deflect into a rant about this, and I’d like to debate that another time as well.
For now, I want to examine the alternatives to live tv (and the BBC) already out there – and yes, one or two of these come from the BBC, but this, I hasten to add, is mainly because they already have a grip on the market and they are certainly not the first choice when we look for something to watch.

Lost in-decision. Choosing where to start.

“Then indecision brings its own delays,
And days are lost lamenting o'er lost days.
Are you in earnest? Seize this very minute;
What you can do, or dream you can, begin it;
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.”

 Johann Wolfgang von Goethe quotes

This blog has usually been about one specific film or TV show at a time, one great thing that caught my attention for the precious few minutes between being awake and being fast asleep having anxiety dreams about zombies, losing a wallet and flying to the Fantastic Planet, usually all happening in the SAME dream and starring actors who'd be charging double rates if they knew where they ended up. But, what to start talking about? Oh, it starts with good intentions - a Lost here (season finalé sucked, let's try and move on) a Halloween (birthday!) marathon there - but I get so caught up by what I SHOULD be writing about that my thought process rebels, and then - nothing gets written. Zip. Nada. Bugger all. And this TRULY sucks. Most writers will probably agree that not writing or being creative for too long leads to the dreaded 'blockage', and it's every bit as ugly and corrosive as something that requires a shedload of Cillit Bang (or dain-unblocker of your choice) and leads to a misery of the inner skull that is just a big whiny heap of nothing. Expunge! Empty! Spew out some prose!!

Yes, well, easy. Easy peasy. It's in there, int he head, rattling around. But there's also Real Life, the potential sucker of the soul. And we LET it do that. We let it trickle into our precious hours, sealing up the arteries of thought so that they shrink, wither, shrivel up and drop like neglected fruit. The only wine you get from this sort of thinking is sour and smells a bit like damp tights that a cat's thrown up on. A DRUNK cat with the runs.

So, to wander slightly away from the 'choice' part of this post, this is one of the reasons writers get depressed. We blame Real Life but in act, it's because we have a fantasy of getting every bit of Real Life sewn up nad in the bag because that' when we can lean back in our computer chair/Starbucks stool, crack our knuckles (always fascinated and repelled by those who can do that) and just Get. Some. Effing. Writing. Done.

But that's bollocks, and you know why?

Writers need Real Life. We need it to mess with us, to toss us around and soak our brains in its juices. Otherwise the writing is like the first draft of a reality TV star's memoir - and like the memoir, the majority of it should be pulped as soon as possible. Real Life provides salt and stock and....onions. Yes, onions. Even though it makes you cry, without it you don't have a decent base for a soup - you've got bits floating in water. So we're back to the vomit metaphor again.

So, I state that we need Real Life, and it fucks with us massively, but that doesn't mean we can't make great soup out of it. We also need to be able to choose what to take from life to MAKE this soup. There are terrible soups out there - and what would you rather have? A delicious, soul-warming broth created over time, with love, attention and or some warmed-up dishwater made in two minutes, which quickly loses its flavour and in the worst possible case, poisons everyone you love?

NOT choosing to write is far more painful than just sitting down and doing it. My head is bloated, cramped, spurting out ideas, characters and worlds, at the worst possible moment. Letting your brain open up and make great stories from the funked-up mixture in your brain - ripped from RL, or how you'd prefer that life to be, is pretty much the only way to stay sane. It's about making decisions. Getting there in the end. Conquering the fear of letting go, because otherwise, you get a lot of backed-up sludge before you can use those pipes again.

So, I CHOOSE to write. I choose NOW, here, to make sure I write. And not just a blog. Not JUST a few words noting my thoughts about the latest piece of pop culture, although that's a good way to write without fear, to let rip with opinion. I choose to make myself do it all, starting now. I CHOOSE to write a book, do an interview, to have something to show for all the good and bad of Real Life as it is so rich, interesting, inescapable and quite often upsetting and jaw-wrenchingly tedious. We might not get out of it alive, but as a writer I want to leave a small, nicely bound manuscript to mark that I was even here. Or, you know, a few hundred MB of text that someone, someday, might want to read again.

There's a long list of things to write about. I'll get going.

“Only by joy and sorrow does a person know anything about themselves and their destiny. They learn what to do and what to avoid.”

 Johann Wolfgang von Goethe quotes
(And the quote website is a piece of internet genius. Thank you!)

The Inbetweeners Series 3 (UK)

Rude, lewd, and too true

 The boys sign off on their final series

It's the third and final series of Channel 4's massive hit comedy show, following the last sixth-form year of brief-case nerd Will, hapless and lovesick Simon, shameless liar Jay and the endearingly dopey Neil. Things haven't changed much, although everyone now knows poor Will as 'that guy who shit himself in an exam' which, to be fair, he did in the last series to spectacular effect.

As embarrassing events go, series three almost manages to top the exam-poo within the first episode. Simon's wardrobe malfunction during a fashion show, in speedos, whilst wearing a top hat, is eye-watering and remains a high point of this unpredictable, tightly wound series. They continue to take the piss out of each other, set each other up and act in completely irresponsible ways - except for Will, who tends to bring it upon himself. In fact, each character is a comic work of genius.

 Will reaches new levels of humiliation at the Fashion Show,

but he gets off quite lightly, considering what happens to Simon...

Will's naive idealism frequently gets punctured by the realities of modern suburban life - and his less-than perfect mates. Whenever he tries to do the right thing, it comes back to bite him hard - wonder what everyone takes away from that? Jay continues to be rude, mouthy and full of bullshit and bad advice (really, REALLY bad advice), but we completely understand why because his father is a bullying monster, though there's still no excuse for that haircut. Simon sports what is labelled a 'Statue of Liberty' haircut, and has mastered the bug-eyed look terror familiar in frustrated teenage boys everywhere. But at least he gets a girlfried, for a while, even if his one true love, Carli, remains out of reach. Lanky Neil bumbles along, still unable to spot either Jay's obvious lies or to understand a single piece of Will's insightful sarcasm. He's also the most sexually successful of the four, oblivious to the STD he picks up along the way.

 Even though they're about to leave school forever, 

they still have to be wary of the terrifying Mr Gilbert.

By the show's end things aren't going much better for any of the boys, but then again, they do have their whole lives ahead of them.


Foul-mouthed, shallow, self-obsessed little bastards? If you believe the Inbetweeners, being a teenage boy is mostly about taking the piss out of your mates, trying to buy alcohol and, most important of all, getting laid by any means necessary. However, as with the older cast in Peepshow, this show also has a little more going on under the surface and ends on an almost-sweet comment on the state of male friendship and growing up, with plenty of inventive insults and jokes about shagging Will's Mum inbetween.

Our heroes: (L-R) Simon, Jay, Will and Neil

Oh, and there's a film due set when they're on holiday together - so we haven't left Rudge Park Comprehensive quite yet. They appear to be going to all the way to Crete. Simon will probably be leaving the Speedos at home this time.Until then, there are three series of comedy gold to look back on and enjoy!

Camping and setting fire to Will's possessions is guaranteed to cheer everyone up

Seriously FAB - Thunderbirds 2010 Dir. Chris Thompson

It's finally happened. After almost 45 years, there is finally an epic new Thunderbirds film out there. Admitedly it's just over 14 minutes long, but this is a vastly more impressive effort than the 2004 kid's film by ex-Star Trek Number 2 Jonathan Frakes. This, my friends and fellow FAB fans, is the real deal...



Well, mostly.

Yes, it's a fan film, albeit one fully approved by Fanderson. The quality that Chris Thompson and his team have achieved hangs fully on the obvious care, love and enthusiasm that went into it. It's also given a big grain of authenticity by bringing in Shane Rimmer, who provided vocals for the original pilot-extrordinaire Scott Tracy, as the narrator at the start and as the voice of Jeff Tracy near the end. He gives an appropriately epic reading that sends chills up the spine, introducing the new challenges for mankind at the cusp of an Anderson-esque 21st Century. International Rescue, we need you now!

This is a timely reminder, then, of how Thunderbirds could be made huge again by one decent movie. Once you get past the haircuts, TB2010 is actually a very accurate little realisation of the spirit of the original show, and it's hard not to be caught up in the drama and well-executed tension which flows through every frame. While the ever-escalating danger is present, they completely understand how close-ups on faces, the odd eye-roll and a little humour complete the nail-biting tension. It's a terrific effort and one that is clearly crying out for a sequel, and a bigger budget.

While the CGI could be criticised, it's also extremely competent and vital to the story. It also gives a far more expansive view of the International Rescue's incredible, futuristic world. Frankly, setting the rescue in a space station seems very ambitious to begin with, and they pulled it off with a great deal of style and some rather impressive sets for the live action shots.

So, someone out there, give Chris Thompson a massive budget and let's see what Thunderbirds can really do!

District 9 (2009) Dir. Neill Blomkamp

Movies at the speed of Sky

Clever marketing is just one of District 9's many strengths

WARNING MILD SPOILERS DO NOT CROSS LINE....


When this popped up on Sky the other week, I was reminded of just how impressive a movie it is, especially when you take its comparatively tiny budget into account! Using the now much-imitated 'hand-held camera' and 'found footage' techniques, at least at first, it has a similar theme to Alien Nation and V, but uses the idea of 'aliens among us' to create something fresh and fiercely new. Best of all, there are no giant smurfs. This is a much harder, heartfelt slab of sci-fi straight out of the 1980s, but with far superior special effects.

It begins assuming we already know the situation, which draws us in and keeps us curious about the unfolding events. Opening on a jumble of interview excerpts  with specialists and members of a team, we gradually learn that someone called Wikus has caused a lot of trouble for the authorities in Johannesburg, where an alien spaceship arrived in the early 1980s. The leaderless aliens inside it have been refugees in South Africa ever since they were found, eventually condemned to live in a walled-off shanty town, the eponymous 'District 9'. 

Wikus (Sharlto Copely) is an employee of Multinational United (MNU) who are charged with guarding District 9. Wikus appears on more found-footage from some time back, as he explains there is a plan to move the aliens to a new District, whether they want to go or not. He's a cheerful, somewhat naive fella, and clearly a loving husband to his boss's daughter. But what has he done to upset so many people?

What unfolds is a strong contender for someone's worst day ever. Jack Bauer never had to cope with the kind of thing poor, hapless Wikus goes through, and he handles it like every hapless 80s hero would - by getting some truly impressive weaponry and using it on the soldiers who put him in this position. It's the reaction of a man pushed to extremes! The inhumanity of the military and the businessmen is pure Aliens, and it's fantastic to see a film get how that ensures that the alien 'prawns' in District 9 are much more sympathetic.

The aliens look fantastic, and surprisingly easy to tell apart considering how insectoid they appear. They seamlessly merge with the run down shanty town scenery, and here you're amongst the dirt and the squalor, soaking up the heat and stink while the homeless aliens try to live and not get eaten my the distinctly more predatory local gangs. Obviously this situation refers heavily to the evils visited on people living in real shanty towns, making the aliens the underdogs manipulated by humans on all sides.When Wikus joins these ranks, he has to re-evaluate his position concerning the aliens and his own fight for survival. Will he ever get back to his wife?

Made with obvious love and care, this is a remarkable movie that channels the best of the Verhoeven-esque, muscular 80s sci fi movies with a hard edge but a big heart. It is possible to cry at the end, just a little, and that means it's worked brilliantly.

Fantastic aliens, big guns and a poignant finish. 
Will the aliens beat us up in the sequel? Can't wait to find out!

Kick Ass (2009) Dir. Mathew Vaughn

A battier Batman, a whacked-out Watchmen, 

Mathew Vaughn's Kick-Ass is a sweary shed-load of fun!

WARNING: SPOILERS WIELDING FISTS OF RIGHTEOUS COMIC BOOK FURY

Considering that the recent crop of comic book hero flicks have been dark, moody grump-fests or frothy, hi-tech quip-a-thons, it's truly super to find a film that gets the blend of both extreme, insane comic book violence, and the need for characters you can actually enjoy. Kick Ass is a perfectly pitched piece of self-aware super violence, and while not for kids, it's a long way from the bleakest aspects of the Dark Knight, or the tequila-swigging high-life of our beloved Tony Stark.

In fact, it seems to owe a larger part of its inspiration to both 2002's Spiderman and its spot-on spoof, Superhero Movie (2008). The hero, Dave (Aaron Johnson) is steeped in superhero self-awareness, inspired to be a superhero because he can't figure out why no one else would do it. He sucks, but a costume can work some serious magic, and as the callow youth works his way up to full kick-assery, sort of, he comes up against some seriously bad-ass enemies - and their enemies are even worse!

Mathew Vaughn brings a ballsy fresh take on the overused superhero origin story, and as he apparently paid for the whole thing following countless studio rejections, it's even more impressive that this looks and behaves as awesomely as it does. Yes, there's swearing - but it's hardly out of context and it's played for humour throughout. However violent it gets, it's certainly not a disturbing film. It's in the league of 300, where the violence is almost balletic and the baddies tend to deserve it. Watching it is a hyper-real sugar rush, the very best sort. As long as you aren't the kind of person who actually believes a ten-year old girl can go around beating the crap out of fully grown Mob guys, but totally enjoys seeing that happening on screen, then you'll have a blast.

The music is brilliant, as you'd expect from Layer Cake's director! Nice use of Gnarls Barkley, with the song that SHOULD have been in Watchmen, and a lot of love for the spiky bass of the Prodigy, and 28 Days' Later's chilling 'In a Heartbeat', among many others. There is no bad in his soundtrack choices, which are very important for a film as soaked in pop-culture as this one. There are a LOT of pop-culture references, although I think the only ones that will date are the film's obsession with Myspace pages, but that's nitpicking.

The strangest thing about Kick Ass, which separates it from the bulk of Sin City wanabees, is that it maintains a sweet, believable centre. Honest. And, while it's not totally realistic that a girl would forgive a guy for pretending to be gay (which she just assumed, to be fair) because he's also a costumed vigilante - and kinda cute - then jump him in bedroom where he snuck in on her....well, she kinda digs him, so that's OK, too!

David/Kick Ass's friends are also hilarious. The best/worst mates in the world. Plus, I dearly want to hang out in their comic book store cum coffee shop too. 

Highly recommended, the best way to spend your designated beer and pizza evening (or fine brie and port, whatever...), and it stays interesting enough to quell the urge to talk all over the top of it. High praise indeed. Open your mind to Kick Ass, and discover a heap of OTT comic book fun that knows exactly where it came from and then does one better.

Kick Ass kicks arse! 

That's a good thing.

Scott Pilgrim vs the World (2010) Dir. Edgar Wright

The fanboys strike back

Spaced in Canada?

Scott Pilgrim (Michael Cera) has a problem. He's a twenty-something slacker who plays in a not-quite-crap band and lives in Toronto, and he's surrounded by sarcastic friends and family who all appear just as confused as he is.  He's also started dating a seventeen year old schoolgirl called Knives (Ellen Wong), and while she's besotted with him and his band, Sex Bob-omb, he's less than enthusiastic about, well, anything.

Then he gets a vision of a roller-skating girl with bright pink hair, and when he actually meets her for real, his life takes a turn for the stranger. For a start, there's a 'League' of evil-exes between him and her, including former Superman Brandon Routh, and former Human Torch, Chris Evans. Only one thing left to do. Fight!

Apart from the fact that the girl of his dreams, Ramona Flowers (former Miss Mclaine Mary Elizabeth Winstead) at first only seem to date him out of pity, there's quite a lot to like about their fledgling relationship. I still preferred to hang out with his friends, to be honest, but I think that was the point. The others get to be mean to our poor Scott, and he gets to be appropriately baffled whilst performing a role that feels written for a twelve-years-younger Simon Pegg. This is appropriate given the film's pedigree, spawned from the over-caffeinated mind of one Edgar Wright, who brought us the fabulous Spaced on UK's Channel 4, the rom-zom-com Shaun of the Dead (2004), and that Hot Fuzz thing from 2007.

While those films featured most of the cast of Spaced and a few very familiar British TV faces, Scott Pilgrim contains a forthright blend of huge Hollywood actors, mildly familiar faces and complete unknowns. Many of these people are also Canadians, but don't let that scare you. The cameos from the big names was occasionally distracting, but I could see the point of the evil exes being larger than life when pitched against tiny little indie-boy Michael Cera.

He half-heartedly battles his way through each evil ex, gradually getting better ts his trial, while his friends continue to make sarcastic quips. Bryan O'Mally's comic provides the basis for these mash-ups, and the film really is nothing like I imagined it would be. I'd thought I'd avoided a lot of the hype, except for the film's panel appearence at the San Diego Comic Con! After seeing most of the stars talk about Scott Pilgrim, I wanted to love this. There's plenty about it I should love. But it wasn't quite what I was expecting. The hype led me to hope for a ton of non-stop anime-speed, suger-rush fuelled action and adrenaline fuelled fighting. You know, like Crank.

I have high standards!

Scott Pilgrim was, in fact, a great deal slower and weirder with its dreamy, romantic pace offset by a burning bass vibe as Scott Pilgrim's heart is forced to beat harder. Events unfold in an off-kilter sort of way, making this more of a slow burner that occasionally blasts you with surreal, deep rock fuelled delights that rock the fabric of Scott's world. So that much is true. Much of it is very, very funny as well. But  I wanted to like it far more - and I reckon that loving it will take a lot more watches on DVD/Blu Ray to truly appreciate just how cute, witty and far out Scott Pilgrim is actually meant to be.

I know there's a good movie in there and I intend to extract it on its eventual release. Until then, you can always watched Spaced again and see how it all began.

Evil exes are almost as dangerous as too-high expectations. Let's try again.

Four down, two to go - Lost marathon continues to Season 4!

It continues to get better.

I am also truly amazed that so many people stuck with it.

SPOILERS FOR LOST, SEASONS 2-4
WRECK LOST REVELATIONS AT YOUR OWN RISK

After three more seasons, with one fortunately (for my patience) truncated by the 2008 writer's strike, I'm still consistently impressed by how well the sneaky bastards have pulled this off. I mean, it really shouldn't work. In each episode, a tiny piece of the overall puzzle gets unpacked, and another tiny bit gets put away, and we're still no nearer knowing the answer to the BIG questions, mainly, what the hell is the island and what the heck is the smoke monster?

In these seasons we've gradually learned some important character histories. Things like, Kate Austin, the fugitive, blew up her step father because he was beating her mom, only for her mom to turn her in. Like, Locke, the craggy faced walking miracle, who lost use of his legs because of a scam from his evil father. Perhaps I was most amazed, though that they solved the 'why Scottish Desmond calls everyone he meets ''brother"?' question. Apparently, he used to be a monk. Er, OK, that'll do. Sadly, they haven't yet explained why if you're a blonde woman hanging out on the island, your days are probably numbered.

So a lot of questions have been answered. Not enough though. They got around answering any of the big ones in the 4th season thanks to judicious use of flash-forwards instead of flashbacks. Very sneaky. We know they get off the island, or at least some of them do. And that they have to go back! We eventually learnwhy, and that at least part of it is because Jack decided to grow a seriously scary beard.

Incredibly, Alan Dale - AKA Jim from Neighbours for all you UK readers - is here as a major villain. Or IS he? Mwahaha, etc. Mr Dale has carved out a comfortable niche on popular American TV shows, playing dodgy authority-driven men in positions of power. Here is no exception, and he's not that bad at it, either!

There are too many characters to dwell on in this rapid a review. All I can say is, I love the show to pieces, it shows up the flat imagination of a great amount of films (perhaps Christopher Nolan should have taken a shot directing an episode?) and manages to keep the story compulsive and, thrillingly, very watchable. Still can't bear to be spoiled for this. And I would never have lasted if this was consumed one tedious week at a time!

Four down, two to go. Does J J Abrams have access to the meaning of life? After all these hours on the island, I bloody hope so....!

The Final Destination (2009) Dir David R Ellis

Movies at the Speed of Sky. 

Final film in the the Final Destination franchise? Naaaah....

CONTAINS SPOILERS - IN 3D!!!

I'll happily watch any glossy horror as long as there's no sign of either Malcolm MacDowell or UWE Boll. Thankfully those two haven't yet combined to perform an unpeakably powerful bad film, the suckage of which would probably end a small corner of the universe somewhere near Woking. This is the fourth film in the Final Destination franchise, and they're really making use of the new toy that all blockbusters are using at the moment.

Yep, this is IN 3D! Although, we didn't watch it in 3D, as it was showing on Sky, and so we started shouting out 'in 3D!' every time something came towards the camera for3D! This was funny exactly six times. After that, it got kinda dull. It's still perfect for watching with several people on a slow Saturday afternoon, due to the rather macabre joy of tryng to guess who'll die next and in exactly what way. It surprised us a couple of times, but I found the force of Death worked best when it chased the various obnoxious teens, in less obvious places. Basically, characters being killed inventively in a swimming pool (owchie, btw) or in a beatuy  salon (loved the grumpy after hours employees!) make the scenarios more tense than setting it in a garage or anywhere industrial, or a gun shop. Unexpectedness is the key to making this doomed character scenario work. Full marks for use of the car wash!

So, everyone knows the story by now, surely? A group of teenagers are hanging out in a group at somewhere like a plane, a traffic jam, a Jonas Brother's concert (not so far, but my fingers are crossed) until one of them (the main character) gets a vivid premonition of the AWFUL EVENT which will painfully, and gleefully, kill them all in glorious, gory detail, with the main character, and their boy/girl fried, dying last. After this vision the panicked protagonist will make a scene that persuades his friends and several of the more attractive cast memebers, usually anyone who got a speaking role, to join them. They evacuate the potentially lethal situation and everyone calls the lead person an asshole right up until the place they vacated EXPLODES! Lucky, right? But they won't stay that way for very long. That's when the fun starts for the audience.

It's never made clear just who or what sends these visions to the main character, but something we'll just call 'Death' is clearly hacked off about their escape. This franchise is pure genius, as they've managed to get around the 'having a serial killer' aspects of the story and just get to be more and more inventive with the increasingly unlikely killings, which seem caused by Death, Fate, God or the Devil, trying to make sure the survivors start dying in the order originally intended. Great fun for us, at least, so sit back and watch the decapitations, stabbings and immolations commence - in 3D!

This fourth instalment wrings every possible in 3D moment out of its over-stretched plot. First, though, in a bizarre intro it gleeful in shows us the more memorable deaths from previous movies using X-Ray vision, which gives us a perfect look at the luckless characters being horribly maimed and slaughtered as their bones snap and eyes are gouged out. Weirdly it reminded me of a Bond intro, albeit via an old Chemical Brothers video. It's probably meant to wet our appetite for the carange to come, and it doesn't waste much time. In The Final Destination, the survivors have avoided disaster at what was surely one of the most poorly maintained Nascar stadiums in North America.  It's a shame each character is about two inches deep, and that's being generous. While I don't expect to care all that much about victims in these horror films - but it never hurts if you actually do - I'm at a loss as to why there are two enormously racist characters in the film, who're there purely to die, thankfully, but even so...two?

Overall, the Final Destination franchise remains less depressing than the Saw movies, which are just 'grinding torture, over-involved Lost-bothering plot, screaming in a room lit entirely by green and yelow, and then repeat until nauseous'. The earlier Final Destination films are a little better at giving its victims some shot at escaping their fate, and it's getting a little old that there's always a lot of persuading involved. The main protagonist keep going 'look, we're definitely gonna die' and their friends keep going 'you're crazy, you're crayzeeeee' before being wiped out by a bus. In fact, the first film's bus death gets a nice homage, but just made me want to rewatch the original again.

It will pass the time, then, but don't expect anything too much and you'll be pleasantly diverted for just over an hour. Maybe it's better in 3D! Somehow I don't think we've seen the last of the invisible hand of fate killing people inventively, which is OK by me -but if you aren't watching this in 3D!, this is best viewed as a drinking game, so that every time there's an obvious 'in 3D' moment, you can make the movie a little better with '5% proof-o-Vision' vision instead. I'd keep the alcohol content low. Trust me.

You're going to get very, VERY drunk....

A nightmare come true - hooray! Darabont's Walking Dead arrives at Halloween

It's nearly here! And we finally have an official trailer!



Wow.

I first picked up Robert Kirkman's ongoing survivial horror back in 2003, and it spoke to me and probably every horror and zombie fan out there. Here was someone who got why we liked the zombie apocalypse, and wanted to explore it's survival horror allure right along with us.

The trailer brings up every memorable image I remembered from the first volume of the comic. Rick Grimes (Andrew Lincoln, AKA Egg from 'This Life' and hapless teacher in Teachers!) is a sherrif, injured and sent into a coma during a shootout. In true John Wyndham (Triffids) style, the poor guy wakes up to find the world has literally gone to hell, and the dead are walking the earth. The good news is that at least they do it slowly. Any similarities to 28 Days Later are merely in the John Wyndham wake up scenes. For a start, these traditional, slow moving zombies mean you can dodge for a while until there are too many, and then they may well eat you - as delightfully shown in the final scenes of this awesome, promising trailer.

Rick heads into the scary new world to find his wife, Lori (Prison Break's Sarah Wayne Callies) but trust me, the pockets of surviving humans can be almost as deadly as the walking, mindless monsters.

This has so much going for it, and already it does what the best comic book and short story adaptations seem able to do (Midnight Meat Train and 300, for instance). It builds up on what you recognise, it gets the point at the core of the story, but at it adds to and improves (possibly) on its source to become something you haven't quite seen or read before.

This may well be me exploding with premature joy and the show itself could be just godawful. However, director Frank Darabont can excel at telling this sort of story, as one of the only directors able to 'get' how make a decent Stephen King movie, his adapation of the Mist was outstanding, as was Shawkshank Redemption. He doesn't shy away from showing humanity at its worst, but also at its best, and he'll need both to make a show about the last vestiges of humanity fighting to survive into a compelling, terrifying journey we'll want to stick with until...whenever the comic finishes. So, forever, basically.

A particularly pleasing thing about the Walking Dead in the involvement of the steely Gale Ann Hurd, who won my loyalty forever for producing not only Aliens and the Terminator - proving she can stand up to James Cameron when required - but also the sublime Tremors! I have a lot of faith in her too. Also it was filmed in Atlanta, on location, so it's authentic and came with a built in tax advantage, apparently.

It's thrilling to see this fantastic comic series getting recognised by the small screen at last, and let's hope Preacher finally gets the showcase it deserves. AMC - who also gave us the fantastic and equally gritty Breaking Bad - may well deliver the most accurate version of a (yeah, ok, it's totally fictional and impossible)  zombie outbreak we've ever seen.

It's a drive into hell, and it's coming to America on Halloween, and reaches the FX channel, in the UK, a little after that. Guess where I'll be? Wishing my life away for the blu-ray box set release, hopefully!